Would you love me?

Would you love me if I showed you all my scars?

Would you love me if I showed you all the hurt I have inside?

Would you love me if I showed you all my insecurities?

I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.

Would you love me if I showed you all my secrets?

Would you love me if I told you what I’m thinking?

Would you love me if I opened up my heart?
I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.
Would you love me if I pulled away?

Would you love me if I pushed you away?

Would you love me even if I am afraid?
I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.
Would you love me if I broke down in tears?

Would you love me if I panicked and ran?

Would you love me if this is all I am?
I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.
But for all my flaws, and all my faults…I like who I am.

I’ve fought harder than you can imagine, to become who I am today.

Your love and approval, while it would be nice…it isn’t needed.

Someday, someone will come along who will love everything about me.

They will love each and every one of my flaws, they will love each and every one of my faults.

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I am enough

When I think of how you hurt me, I suffocate.

When I think of what you said, I die a little more.

When I think back, I can’t even comprehend.

Why?

Why would you hurt me?

Why would you say those things?

Why?

I did not deserve what you did.

I did not deserve what you said.

I am worth more than that.

Of all the people on this earth, I never thought you would be the one to hurt me the most.

Of all the people I love, I never thought you would be the one to tear me down.

Why?

Why would you destroy my life?

Why would you destroy my sense of self?

Why?

I will never understand you, I will never want to.

How could you hurt someone, who you were supposed to protect?

How could you tear down someone, who you were supposed to build up?

Why?

Why would you ruin my confidence?

Why would you ruin my sense of self?

Why?

I am worth more than the lies you told me.

I am worth more than the names you called me.

Why?

Why would you tell me I have no future?

Why would you tell me I am nothing?

Why?

I have a future that you will not be a part of.

I have worth and value.

I am enough.

Despite what you did…despite what you said…
I. Am. Enough.

Like a Phoenix

I miss the person I used to be.

I miss the way I’d always have a smile for the world, I miss the way I’d always have song in my heart.

I miss the way I believed in love, I miss the way I trusted.

I miss the way I looked at the world, with the innocence of a child.

I miss the way I’d always find joy in the hard times, and I miss the way I always cared.

Now, I am a shell…and who I used to be, is dead and gone.

Now, I don’t have a smile to spare…and I have no song in my soul.

Now, I don’t believe in love…it only causes pain.

Now, I don’t trust anyone…because they only use their words for lies and betrayal.

Now, I do not see the world through the eyes of an innocent…I only see the world as it is.

Now, I can’t even find joy without a struggle. 
And now, I can’t even seem to bring myself to care.

The person I used to be, isn’t just dead and gone…she was destroyed by someone who shows no remorse.

Never to be seen again. Instead…I have taken her place.

And I will always mourn the loss of who I used to be…but I will rise from the grave of who I once was, and this time…you will not bring me down.

What is Love?

Love is a choice, a promise.

When you love someone, you are choosing them. You are promising to love them, no matter what.

Love is promising that you won’t leave when someone prettier or younger comes along, that you won’t leave when they start to age.

Love is putting their interests before your own.

Love is choosing them, every single day.

Not just when things are easy, or when you’re getting along…it’s also choosing them when things are difficult, and when you are at odds with each other.

So often, love is mistaken for infatuation or even lust. But infatuation quickly fades, and lust is born from our selfish human nature.

Love, real love…is pure, and good, and real, and cleansing. Love is our very foundation that we stand upon.

Without love…what are we?

Without love…we are nothing.

Do you love me?

Show me that you can love me, when I can’t even love myself.

Prove to me, that you will stay…no matter how hard I push you away.

Do you love me? Make me understand.

I have experienced more heartache in my short time on this earth, than most do in lifetimes.

I have been hurt by those who should have never hurt me.

Do you love me? Prove it.

I will fight you every step of the way, because no one has ever pushed.

Do you love me? Show me.

Make me understand that you will fight past my problems and my walls.

Prove that you aren’t like all the others, that you won’t leave when I get scared.

Show me that I am worth the time and effort that will be put into taking down my walls.

Do you love me? There are days when I will need all the love you can give me, there will also be days when I will push you away as hard as I can.

Do you love me? Make me understand that I am more than what others have made me.

Show me that I don’t have to prove myself, over and over and over again.

Prove to me, once and for all, that I am not my past…that I am not my scars…that I am worth it.

I have value

I am more than this earthly shell.

I am more than this feeble body.

Inside, I am a raging hurricane, my mind is something that you will never be able to comprehend.

My thoughts are a whirlwind, never stopping…never ceasing.

Do not think that I am merely the grades you hand out, my genius lies elsewhere.

My genius is in how I can read people, without even knowing their name.

My knowledge comes from observing, and not endless chatter.

My brains come from being able to adapt, and not letting it be formed in the rigid rules of society.

I am more than you will ever know, you do not get to question my value.

I am more than a castoff, I have value. Do not judge me, as you would others.

For I am like nothing you have ever seen, and if you test me…I will win.

Lost Love…

Time is strange.

On one hand, it lasts forever.

And on the other, if you blink…its gone.

I miss the days not so long ago, when things were easy and conversation flowed.

Now, I second guess myself with every word I say to you.

I miss the times when we would talk about anything, and everything…no matter how much time would pass us by.

I miss talking with you till I would fall asleep, and I miss waking up to see that you had wished me sweet dreams.

Time is cruel, and memories even more so.

But I will wait, and I will pray, hoping for the days to come…that we might be like we used to.

How do we go back to the way we used to love?

Love is complicated…and simple, and difficult, and easy, and troublesome, and sweet, and twisty…and it has so many dark places you could so easily fall in.
Love is painful…and wonderful, and horrible, and comforting, and confusing, and conflicting, and bittersweet…and it can hurt so much, that you don’t want to ever love again.
How do you find a way for it all to blend together…like in the fairytales, the songs, like the way you saw love as a child?
Love is complicated, love is complex, love can hurt you more than anything else. 

How do we go back to the way we used to see love, the way we used to love?